i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
