i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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