I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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