listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's never too late to be topless.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
