Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
