it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
