I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
