I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
