I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
