I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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