Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
