dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
