hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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