Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
