Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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