Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
