I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
