I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
