fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
