i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
