Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
