Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
