I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
