Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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