If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
