I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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