I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
