i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
