Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
