A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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