Can i not drive my cunt home
someone get that fucking seahorse.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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