I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
