She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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