The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
