Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
