mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
