terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
