Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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