How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
