Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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