I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
