please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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