But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
