Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
