They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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