Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
