tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
