something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
