He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
