I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
