last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
